- I go for burger night with a vengeance. I order my burger (well, veggie burger) with whatever crazy toppings I can image. I order a side of fries, often covered with cheese. I order a shake, and maybe a soda as well. I do burger night like a pigtailed teen from the 1950’s.
- I decline burger night. I get a salad or a smoothie and sit across from my boyfriend as he eats his burger and fries. I insist that I’m fine, and I do love salads and smoothies, but a part of me feels left out.
The other night, neither of these occurred. I ordered a
burger that looked good (teriyaki, pineapple, cheese), and a side salad instead
of fries. No shake.
I cannot express how much happier this made me than either
of my previous scenarios. The salad was delicious and refreshing with a light
sesame dressing. I was able to steal a few of Leonard’s fries, and not one of
them satisfied me the way that salad did. The toppings on the burger were
perfect, and the salad complimented them so well.
And at the end of the meal, I didn’t have the desire to
waddle away like I would with scenario one, or the feeling that I missed out,
like I would with option two. Instead I felt well fed, happy, and ready to walk
around the mall and shop.
I didn’t over eat. I didn’t under eat. I just ate.
For many people this moment is not a revelation. It just
happens, you grow up and eat less, and you make it work. But this balance, this
ability to enjoy food without guilt, it’s kind of new for me.
I’m going to hold onto that evening for a long time, use it
to remind myself that I can do this. That for me, for Maile, the struggle is
about balance.
When I made the decision to publicly discuss my process, it
didn’t occur to me how many little moments would become significant. Thank you
for reading and accepting me, food issues and all.
-Mahalo
No comments:
Post a Comment