Jessica and I have been friends for quite a few
years. Hell, I helped her learn to drive. She threw me a going away party when
I moved to San Francisco. We’ve been there for each other during times of
stress, and times of celebration. But everything changed last year when we
started to talk about body image and our struggles with food (EDNOS on her end,
Binge Eating on mine). Suddenly we were tied together in this horrific and
beautiful way.
I’m including some of Jessica’s own words in italics throughout
this post.
Yesterday Jessica and I spent the day together, the first time since we moved away from Southern California, and
I noticed little moments connected to our new friendship. I felt comfortable
trying on a pair of iffy pants while we were shopping together, and was not too
embarrassed when they looked horrendous on me. In the past I would have been
intimidated around her because I would not imagine that slender Jessica could understand my clothing frustrations, and I would have ignored the sale all together. She, in turn, shared
her own history of bad luck with that particular store, and we laughed about
our misfortune. We went out for lunch and managed to order almost the perfect
amount of food – I’m still so pleased when I manage not to overeat.
We walked, and walked, and talked about our own
struggles with sticking with an exercise plan. Both of us are busty and this
makes physical activity a burden at times. Jessica talked about her love of
zumba while I raved about walking through San Francisco.
Jessica:
Normally when I'm staying at someone else's house, I
feel horribly awkward and like I can't be myself. In part due to my food issues
and my fear that people are going to become aware I have these issues. However, staying
with Maile didn't feel awkward at all, and I didn't feel trapped in my mind
while trying my hardest to hide my fear of food.
I knew when I was going to co-start The Imperfect Harmony Objective, and when I revealed my story on our blog, that I wouldn't have to feel
as trapped and secretive anymore. I knew it would be a huge release. However, I
didn't feel too different after I revealed my story since my husband already
knew, and he's pretty much the only person I hang out with since we
recently moved and we don't know too many people.
 |
| Olive Bar at Bristol Farms - Jessica's favorite |
We discussed how energized we feel being around
quality food. We walked through the specialty food shops of the Ferry Building
and Jessica could see why I loved the Fancy Food Show so much. We contemplated
sharing a vegan donut, but wound up just walking around and planning our next
trip to the Ferry Building. Next up - Cheese tasting!
Jessica:
It felt so freeing,
and also I didn't fear food yesterday since we just spent time with good
quality foods, exploring the Ferry Building, artisan pizza, and Bristol Farms.
Maile and I discussed how being around natural foods like these make your mind,
body, and soul feel good and more interconnected.
Also, I always have
the desire to get out of the house and walk around and explore new places, but
often due to my issues feel so depressed that I feel I can't move. Getting to
hang out with a girlfriend (this hadn't happened in a long time since I've
moved), mixed with the nice weather and new things to explore in San Francisco
got me energized and moving, and I didn't feel that crippling depression. I
look forward to the rest of the time here we have together, and am looking
forward to seeing how much we grow in these upcoming three weeks.
I guess what this wordy blog is trying to say is
that I am so happy that Jessica and I came forward to one another with our
issues. We’re both struggling and scared and ashamed, but together we are
stronger. Our experiences yesterday were made brighter because we could openly
discuss what normally stays hidden. We are so grateful for one another and for
you all for embracing us and allowing us to share our journey with you.
-Mahalo
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